When Harry Met Jesus
by Echidne and Jyestha
Summary: Alone in his room one day, Harry is visited by Jesus and other religious figures inviting him to convert. It's humor...just read it. Read and review....it'll bring a smile to your face.


A/N-Not only do we not own a single character in this fic, we also want to say we do not mean offense to anyone's religion, religions, beliefs, or whatever. This was based off of an offhand comment by Z and is meant as nothing more than an amusing way to spend five minutes.  
WHEN HARRY MET JESUS  
  
One bright sunny summer day, Harry was sitting in his room at Privet Drive. He was flopped over his bed in boredom.  
  
"I'm bored," stated the Boy Who Lived flatly. He was finding he had nothing to bitch about. His friends were friendly, he had enemies to fight and. well. mostly everything was right with the world.  
  
Suddenly, a brilliant, yet blinding flash of light knocked Harry off his bed. A man of about thirty was sitting on his bed. He bounced up a few times. "Theses are really cool," he said to Harry. "We didn't have them when I was a kid. I was born in a manger, you know," he added as an afterthought.  
  
"Do I know you?" asked Harry blankly. What the hell is a manger, he thought to himself.  
  
"No, you don't know me," said the man as he stood up. "That's why I'm here. I figured it was about time the Boy Who Lived met the One Who Died." He held out his hand. "Jesus Christ."  
  
Harry took it hesitantly. "Harry Potter..how'd you get in here? The window is closed.Can you Apparate?"  
  
Jesus sighed and looked at Harry. "Yes with the Faith of my Father. And love. That's important too."  
  
"I'm so confused!" wailed Harry.  
  
Jesus pondered, "Maybe. an educational song and dance is needed," he clapped his Holy Hands and lo, music flooded Harry's small bedroom.  
  
Harry was rather bemused, "Um... Uncle Vernon's not going to be happy about this."  
  
Several Gospel Singers in long white robes were appearing in Harry's tiny bedroom- clapping and smiling brightly.  
"Um.." twitched Harry," WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS GOING ON?"  
Jesus laughed heartily, "That's the point!"  
"When Jesus washed.When Jesus washed.our sins away.O HAPPY DAY!" bellowed the Gospel singers. "He taught me how..how to walk...singing..come on and sing it.come on and pray...O HAPPY DAY!"  
Somehow, Harry felt drawn to their singing. He began to clap his hands as the singers nodded enthusiastically and sang these..stretching notes.  
"You see Harry," said Jesus. "You've been doing great things. Saving little girls from giant snakes, rescuing loads of people from the bottom of the lake, protecting elixirs from going to evil hands, protecting the innocent Sirius Black.."  
Harry's eyes welled with tears. The grief of losing his beloved Godfather was still strong. Jesus noticed Harry's disposition and amended, "..Oh wait. You didn't really protect him." The gospel singers paused. "He died, didn't he?"  
The singers began a slow, quiet rendition of Stairway to Heaven.  
"Anyway, you've been doing some wise and wondrous deeds, young Harry. But you could do better ones with the help of the one true God! And better still.You can't disappoint him! Cause God, is a God of SECOND CHANCES!" Jesus laughed again, "Hit it boys!" Jesus said pointing to the choir.  
"Wait," Harry shouted, cutting of the musical climax, "This is a religious thing?"  
"By George, I think he's got it!" cried Jesus merrily, "You see, Harry," Jesus motioned Harry closer, "I am the Son of God."  
"You're the Son of God?" repeated Harry, raising his eyebrows.  
"Yes," a glazed, far away look clouded the mans eyes, "I was born of the Virgin Mary and became-,"  
Harry coughed. ". How is that possible?"  
"It was a miracle!" said Jesus shrugging it off, "You see; I have performed many miracles in my life. Like this one time-,"  
Suddenly there were two more pops. Sitting on the end of Harry's bed were two more men. Both were middle-aged men with beards, cloaked in long robes, "Jesus!" hollered the first man angrily waving a carved staff around.  
"Crap!" cursed Jesus under his breath.  
"Jesus!" the second man, who wore a turban shouted, "You got some 'splaining to do!"  
"Chill Mohammad!" demanded Jesus, "Daddy said I could take this case," Jesus stuck out his outer lip a little, "Special." He added as an afterthought.  
The man with the staff just shook his head, "You know the rules, Jesus! You're not aloud to go on conversion crusades with out all of us!" To Mohammad he added, "We don't need another Dark Age."  
Mohammad nodded, "Moses is right, Jesus! You said you'd wait for us,"  
"Sweet sassy molassy!" shouted Moses noticing the nervous choir members, "You brought the gospel choir too?"  
"Hey! Whatever get the job done, man," said Jesus, "What a minute," a smile crept over Jesus' features, "You hypocrites! Can't go on conversations without everyone, eh? Where is---"  
There was any other pop. A dangerously pissed off woman with long black hair appeared in the center of the Holy Men, "Stupid Men." She spat, dusting off her professional business suit. Spotting the confused Harry in the mists of the men she approached him, "Good day Mr. Potter," extending her manicured hand, "Morgaine Le Fay. I'm a Messenger of the Goddess. How do you do?" she asked.  
"Don't listen to her," Jesus whispered to Harry, "She's a bitchy feminist who refuses to wear a bra."  
"Watch it," said Morgaine, giving Jesus the evil eye as she adjusted her shirt. "Not that she needs one," whispered Moses.  
Harry pinched his arm sharply. This was not a dream; "Eh." he managed.  
"Sweet Goddess!" moaned Morgaine rolling her eyes, "Look at what you idiots have done!" she roared at the Holy Men before her, "You've scared him! And get rid of the choir, Jesus," she sneered.  
Jesus waved his Holy Hands and the flock of singers vanished. Now it was just the five of them.  
"Is anyone else going to be joining us?" asked Harry, "the Dali Llama maybe?"  
"Nope," said Moses looking at the three other Holy figures, "It's just four of us."  
"SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!??" Harry nearly screamed.  
"Harry," said Morgaine in a very business like tone, "We have been sent here to try and guide you in your religious selection."  
"But I don't need a religion!" wailed Harry.  
"Everyone needs a religion you see, Harry-," began Morgaine.  
"You have quite a resume of impressive achievements-," Moses cut in.  
"Along with qualities of an excellent individual who could benefit his family and community-," Jesus added quickly.  
"But we have noticed that since the death of your godfather, Sirius Black-," began Muhammad.  
"You have been a little-,"  
"Distracted?" finished Morgaine.  
"Lacking confidence and purpose?" finished Moses.  
"Sad? Lonely? DISGRUNTLED?" finished Jesus.  
"Well.. yes.," said Harry.  
"See, that's why we are here to help," said Muhammad smoothly, "Having one of us in your life might help.. Fill those holes."  
"Let us tell you a little bit about our God," said Moses carefully, "In the beginning-,"  
Morgaine wandered over to Harry's dresser. Picking up a photograph, she cut Moses off, "Who is that Harry? She looks bitter and full of angst!"  
  
"Hermione?" asked Harry in amazement.  
"Was she been scorn by men?" demanded Morgaine, angrily gazing at the photograph.  
"Well. there was Victor Krum-," started Harry. "but I don't think-"  
"SAY NO MORE!" wailed Morgaine, "I must avenge her troubled soul!" and with a crack, Morgaine disappeared. The photo drifted to the floor.  
Jesus picked it up, "Who are these red heads?" he demanded, "I see. one, two, three. four? They must be related!"  
"Yeah. there are seven Weasly children actually," said Harry.  
"Seven," said Jesus craftily, "They wouldn't be.. Oh. I don't know.. Sick Lepers? Living in sin? Finically challenged?"  
"Well. they are kind of poor-,"  
"Really? Well.. look at the time.. I'll um, see you around Harry? Okay?" And without waiting for a reply Jesus was gone.  
Harry now faced Moses and Muhammad who were gazing into the photograph.  
"That young boy" said Moses gazing at Neville's image in the photo, "Why. I can almost see the yamakah on his head now! He's a bit old for the bris, but. what's his name boy?"  
"Neville Longbottom but-," Crack! Moses was gone.  
It was now just Muhammad and Harry, "Who is that ruggedly handsome youth lurking in the back round?" exclaimed Muhammad pointing excitedly to a figure in the corner of the photo.  
"You mean Draco Malfoy?" asked a stunned Harry. Indeed, it was Draco. He was sulking in the background, giving the finger to the photographer.  
"Yes! He has got the most amazing eyes.. Persian eyes!" declared Muhammad, "He must be a descent of the Dar-Islam. I say! I must find him and tell him about his history. Such lovely Persian Eyes!" And with a crack there was no Muhammad.  
"Persian eyes?" scoffed Harry, "Malfoy! He's British!"  
That's when Harry realized. he was alone again.  
"Curiouser and Curiouser," mused Harry before falling back on the bed in boredom.  
  
A/N: The point was not to insult anyone's religion. Power to the crazy insane ficklet. This was based off a challenge and odd musing made by Z. Hope you enjoy the insanity. Can't say it was some of our best work but a story that HAD TO HAVE BEEN WRITTEN! Please read and review some of our other stuff. Morgaine also appears in our Pool Hopping With Merl, one of our best works.  
  
READ and REVIEW OUR OTHER WORK FOR THE LOVE OF ZEUS!  
  
REVIEW REVIEW, REVIEW REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW REIVEW REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW And have a nice day 


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